By Ranjona Banerji
It’s such an awful cliché that I had to do it.
To write this wishlist, I mean, because the calendar changes.
Wishes on my life in the media.
Never to have to sit through a Zoom/ Google/ WhatsApp/ WhateverNewTech call or meeting.
Not going to happen. Covid is back.
Never to have to wait on tenterhooks for freelance money to come into the bank account.
Not going to happen. No one except A and A have enough money. And Covid is back.
Never to have to see endless publicity for the Modiji the Great in every news outlet.
Not going to happen. Because the media thrives on rah-rah-ga-ga. And there are always elections somewhere.
Never to wade through fence-sitting column blather: if only, then if, what then, not now, round and round.
Not going to happen. Ouch that fence hurts my bottom only happens in private.
Never to have to watch some loony tune TV anchor shout toxic nonsense.
Not going to happen. TV anchors are notoriously short of simple logic and high on their own toxic nonsense.
Never to have to read how everything wrong today is the fault of someone in the past and not the present incumbent.
Not going to happen. Because for the media the current incumbent, the more inefficient he gets, the more effective he is as a “leader”.
Never to have to read about the mysterious TINA again.
Not going to happen. TINA is notoriously embedded in the minds of the Without Intelligence To Lessen Enslavement (to) Stupendous Stupidity.
Never to have to read the use of the word “elderly” to describe anyone above the age of 40.
Not going to happen. The children are in charge.
Never to have my own jokes on social media explained to me.
Not going to happen. Silliness begets silliness on social media.
Never to have to trawl through endless bad news outlets to get to a few nuggets of good.
Not going to happen. Media going through worst phase ever.
Never to have the media ignore the pain and suffering of others because they’re too busy worshiping at the altar of false gods that they have made.
Not going to happen. The media is now terrified of the false gods of its own creation.
Never to have to explain the difference between reporters, subeditors, editors and other journalists to the general public.
Not going to happen. They know it all. And TINA and so on.
Never to have the general public quote poopindia and so on to me, in the innocent delusion that it’s a news site.
Not going to happen. Those TVwallahs have given Poop & Co legitimacy by calling them to their nightly akhaada sessions. Plus, they must have paid Google to pop up early in searches.
Never to have to beg again for media solidarity when our own are attacked by the vicious government.
Not going to happen because the mainstream media is sitting goopily in the pocket of said vicious government and cares little for the lives of journalists that do journalism.
Never to have to wait for mainstream media outlets to cover pandemics and other disasters promptly and responsibly instead of after independent journalists have already done it.
Not going to happen because independent journalists are always on the job and mainstream media outlets are usually “Hindu khatre mein hain”, bank balance is also in danger, prejudice is in danger and so on.
On that miserable note, see you in 2022.
Masks on.
Ranjona Banerji is a senior journalist and commentator. She writes on MxMIndia every Tuesday and Friday. Her views here are personal