By Sanjeev Kotnala
A Mid-Life Crisis is not new. However, it is now better understood and more easily identified than in the past. In the current changing economic and employment scenario, the long Covid scare and the spate of layoffs, we are bound to see more cases of mid-life crisis in Marketing, Advertising and technology. Unfortunately, like in the case of mental illness and disorder, we don’t seem to acknowledge and address mid-life crises.
MID-LIFE CRISIS
The moment someone says mid-life crisis, an image of a person some 40-60 years of age crops up in mind. Issues with self-confidence and transitional identity are part of the assumed problem. Job, career, or family issues dominates the perception.
It is a gender and age-neutral phenomenon, where people fight aimlessness in life, nostalgia, and references to the past. Some regret their past actions and feel pressured to take impulsive decisions. Mid-life crisis is alarmingly rising amid emotional turbulence fuelled by dissatisfaction, ambiguity, and a deep desire for change.
People tell the person going through a mid-life crisis that it will get better with time. It is just a question of them making some effort. However, it may not be the case.
One should listen to them and not give unsolicited advice based on one’s experiences because no two people face the same issue; their framework is different. Their expectations and experience have taught them to expect different things from life.
Most people fighting mid-life crises have some idea of the reason behind it. A therapist or a counsellor can better unearth the feelings and emotions leading to the situation. Medical intervention is thus highly recommended. This note is just for understanding the signs so that early action is possible.
A DIFFERENT TAKE ON MID-LIFE CRISIS
Mid-life crisis gets its name as it was earlier understood to be a problem of mid-aged people. It is when one realises (need not accept) mortality and the advancing age’s constraints on the person. The efforts to stay youthful increases with age and then comes the realisation that one can only delay, not stop, the process. Body structural changes, including decreasing attractiveness and sexual desire and kids growing up, are some of the changes that one may not want to acknowledge.
Living a hard life with unfulfilled desires, ambitions and life projects puts a person under undue pressure of ageing. At the same time, realised milestones in life can create a vacuum and a question of what now. Such unanswered questions can also lead to a Mid-life crisis.
Mid-life crisis deals with identity, vagueness or feeling of purposelessness or a lack of control and diminishing self-respect. It can occur at any phase of life and has a different meaning and trigger point for everyone.
A change in responsibilities, roles, and liabilities in professional, personal, or social life typically triggers a mid-life crisis. These sudden change in status is enough to trigger behavioural changes unless one is ready for it.
There is a Mid-life crisis when one gains adulthood and the expectation of people changes. The same is true at other phases of life when one enters college, professional studies, starts working, gets married or into a serious relationship, becomes a parent and so on. Every stage of life that brings new demands is a potential mid-life crisis. However, most of us are somewhat prepared to tackle them collectively. Hence, the Mid-life crisis is averted. However, for a few, these changes trigger a mid-life crisis when they cannot manage the new environment and expectations.
OTHER TRIGGERS OF MID-LIFE CRISIS
There are emotional issues that can trigger a Mid-life crisis. Some of them are like an expected and potential decline in happiness in life, a sudden aimlessness in life, and questions surrounding purpose in life, raising self-doubts on capabilities and potential. Fear of failure in the new environment, frustration with the changes in roles and responsibilities in personal and professional life, and a plateau-hitting relationship. Stagnancy in career, lack of ambition or underachieved ambitions, peer pressure, over concern about other reactions and perceptions. Loss of dear ones at times can also trigger a mid-life crisis.
These can lead to symptoms like changes in energy levels, irritation, lack of motivation, pursuing ambition, mood changes, mood swings, and even fluctuating sexual desires. It can even lead to a state of indecisiveness as well as financial irrationality of over or under-spending. Some demonstrate sudden deep diving into religious and spiritual activities or withdrawal. The symptoms vary from person to person.
Typically, a trigger leads to a mid-life crisis which, if rightly identified, can lead to a possible resolution. However, an unidentified and unresolved mid-life crisis can very well have the potential to develop into a depression. Don’t take any of the symptoms lightly, more so if they persist for more than two weeks.
NAVIGATING MID-LIFE CRISIS
Mid-life crisis is not a recognised medical problem; however, a trained medical counsellor can help. So, what I share is suggestive and not a replacement for medical advice and intervention. However, these can help mitigate or overcome a mild mid-life crisis.
Mid-life is not a crisis; it needs an acceptance of changes and to come to terms with the dynamic ecosystem of one’s life.
First and foremost, accept a crisis and recognise that you are not the only one facing it. Pushing such things under the carpet is not going to help. Moreover, one must not see oneself as a cause or being punished for some past actions. Don’t pity yourself or start asking god-‘Why me?’
Finally, be willing to make efforts to face the situation. This is the first realisation and acceptance that is desired.
SELF DISCOVERY
One can take the help of inward-looking open-ended questions; they can help one understand oneself better. What makes one feel most satisfied? Who are the people one enjoys spending time? What are the unfulfilled desires and ambitions? What are the milestones I look forward to? Maybe these can help one realise the things triggering the mid-life crisis. Maybe such questions will help one find answers to probable actions.
It helps if one is positive towards life and looks forward to new opportunities. If one realises and starts doing things that make one happy, including reorientating and realigning the people in the ecosystem. This can involve re-evaluating short and long-term personal relationships. One may need to end a toxic relationship that pressures the emotional front.
NET-NET
There are no fool-proof suggestions. However, accepting the changes happening in one’s ecosystem is an excellent start to tackling the situation. Furthermore, seeking a close confidant’s point-of-view on the situation too helps.
Another way is to make oneself futureproof in personal and professional life by proactively planning for future changes. Like a person learning new skills to remain employed when the current position is threatened. Like a father who takes parenting sessions before the child’s birth to better cope with the changes that are bound to happen.