By Ranjona Banerji
1. Less interference on the newsroom floor by the management (please give me a moment to recover from that fit of exhausting laughter).
2. Editors who have the courage to stand up to owners and marketing departments (I am now in cardiac arrest).
3. Journalists who are less interested in personal aggrandizement and more in getting the facts and presenting a good story (giggling is occasionally good for the central nervous system).
4. Television journalists getting a crash course on what the profession means and what it’s supposed to do (not holding my breath because that could cause pulmonary failure).
5. Some greater knowledge of the English language in English language newspapers (have failed to wipe the smirk off my face).
6. Am not even wandering into better English on television (thus protecting my sanity).
7. At least one evening where TV discussions do not degenerate into a verbal version of WWE. At least the wrestlers’ bodies are more buff (well, one can hope).
8. Newspapers that effectively separate paid or sponsored news from real stories so as not to fool the reader (am wiping a tear from my left eye).
9. Women’s magazines that refuse to reduce themselves to brochures for various beauty, lifestyle and glamour products (oh wait, now who’ll tell me which lipstick to buy?).
10. Glamour and lifestyle supplements in newspapers who remember there was a time when “features” did not mean what PR companies tell you to do (I know, your sides are splitting).
11. A little bit of bitchiness to be re-injected into film journalism (rubbing my hands with glee).
12. For those in charge of book review sections in newspapers to have read at least one book (of course, this means they have to be able to read…)
13. Some semi-wise employed senior journalist to understand how the social media is influencing public discourse (meet me on Twitter and I’ll tell you more…).
14. That at least a few journalists in newspapers are over the age of 13 (I know, no HR department in the country will agree with me but then, they never have).
15. Stop HR departments from recruiting journalists (especially from bogus journalism courses).
16. No more bogus journalism courses (damn, there goes a fine lecturing opportunity).
17. A ban on the following expressions: “wee hours of the morning” unless it refers to dawn micturition, “lesser”, unless you are comparing qualities not quantities (am sorry to use so many big words), confusing “loose” with “lose” where in one case your pants fall off because the elastic has lost its tenacity and in the other you have misplaced your pants altogether (and you are in the altogether), “miniscule” when you mean “minuscule” (and now I give up).
18. Everyone should own a dictionary (preferably not one provided by Microsoft).
19. No more Wikipedia as a source (what! Did I really just say that?!).
20. More media gaffes and goofs so I can remain employed (heh heh heh).